Don’t feel like you’re getting any better? Here are 5 things to consider when seeing a therapist
1. Have you given it time?
Often people come to see a therapist after living with problem/s for years - much longer than the amount of time they have been in therapy for. Which means it isn’t usually the case that after 1-10 sessions someone feels 100% better! In fact, the number of sessions really varies!
It takes time to feel comfortable enough to open up the things you think are important for your therapist to know. We aren’t mind readers - and thank goodness for that!
Research has consistently demonstrated the power of first impressions, and this is particularly important to consider when you start seeing a therapist. Although being in tune with our intuition is important, it is also worth considering our initial judgement of others.
Be mindful of that Inner Critic occupying your mind with thoughts that you have failed, are not doing enough in session, are making things hard for yourself or your therapist.
o Hint: when you start having “should” or “must” thinking aka “I should be feeling better by now” “I must not be doing enough” that’s a sign that the inner critic is chirping!
Consider self-compassion: Being kind to yourself, go easy on yourself and to try and talk to yourself the same as how you might try to console a loved one (including pets)
2. Have you shared your uncertainty with your therapist?
The most important part of therapy is how you vibe with your therapist. If you have a good working relationship, you will feel more comfortable to discuss personal and often difficult/painful experiences.
Therapists value honest feedback - it’s the only way we really know if we are on track or whether we need to re-calibrate our therapy sessions for you!
Getting feedback as a therapist, even if it seems like it is “negative” feedback, actually helps to understand how you are feeling versus how the therapist thinks the sessions are going, and also to discuss expectations for therapy too! This means that it might be perfectly normal to feel concerned, or that the style of the therapy needs to be adjusted, or that more conversations are needed - all these reasons are for the purpose of giving you the best experience and to meet your goals for coming to therapy. Speaking of which…
3. Do you have clearly defined goals?
Sometimes we can come into therapy with lots of different things that we want to work on - and that’s totally fine and okay however it is important to consider setting our expectations about what can be achieved in the short term versus long term. Working with your therapist to talk about what you are hoping to get from coming to therapy, will help to establish clear goals with your therapist, so you both know what is important to focus on. Just as importantly however, some people choose to use sessions to talk about whatever they need to at the time to assist with their own processing - there is no “right” or “wrong” - but mainly what works for you. And your therapist can help with that!
But keep in mind that, much like the art of acting, the art of therapy is not simply intended to validate who you think you are, but also to help you expand the possibilities of who you can be. - Mark O'Connell, LCSW-R
4. How are your expectations?
“I want to be happy!”
Basing the outcome on emotional expectations might lead to another emotional experience: Disappointment. Happiness is arbitrary. Similar, our more “negative” or “difficult” feelings, such as sadness, frustration, confusion, are arbitrary too. Feelings will come and go. I like to use the analogy of ocean waves - feelings will “crash over” us from time to time and it is the way that we pay our attention to them and how we handle or “ride” the wave that will determine the impact that the wave has on us. For more reading on the topic of happiness, please see this and this article.
5. Is your therapist the right fit for you?
Even after considering the above, a therapist may work differently to what you work best with. For example, a therapist may work within a certain therapeutic framework that does not match your style. Further, you may be suited to a particular type of therapy (EMDR for example) which would require additional training for the therapist to provide this specific treatment.
Therapy is a collaborative effort, which should include respect, mutual understanding, open collaboration and working within the ethical guidelines.
For assistance with finding a suitable therapist, you may wish to consider using the Find a Psychologist™ offered through the Australian Psychological Society (APS) and liaising with your health professional support networks (GP/psychiatrist) to help find an appropriate therapist for you.
For more reading on the topic, see this article.